hey want to hear something funny?
kidney stones. LAUGH!
.. well, I didn't, but the short one would sit beside me saying 'poor thing' while I was in my death throws then she'd break up laughing so I guess SHE found them funny.
I also worked out the other day that the Short One and I had been married for like almost 17 years so I guess me telling people that I'm older than dirt is probably true. It doesn't actually FEEL like 17 years, but since a fair bit of those were spent head-injured I guess it's OK then.
Anyway, one day after I'd finished my job at TAFE I decided to go for a drive to get the crap out of my system. Actually the job wasn't crap - the managers were - well, not my immediate boss - he was great.. and so were the rest of the staff - and the students were SO much fun.. but the college treated the staff and students like shit and, well - I'm not there any more.
So I had to go on a holiday because I was all mpwarrrggghhh@! inside and A said I should go on a drive down South to catch up with some friends (One cutie in particular). So after I got over the flu, I jumped in the car with all my cameras and aimed for Augusta, Maggot River (the locals call it mark-it-up river) and somewhere else that I forget.
Now for a couple of days prior I thought my lower back was out as I'd been really sore but I just ignored it figuring as I usually do that things that hurt will either get better or they'll kill me. I got as far as Mandurah which is only an hour from Perth and realised I was sitting in the drivers seat at this really weird sideways tensed-up angle and my back was really REALLY sore. I stopped and got out and had a stretch which is unheard of as I usually drive like a maniac straight through Mandurah as the tourist traffic drives me nuts, but that didn't help so I did these really odd contortions until a bunch of kids came over and stared at me giggling and I felt all embarrassed and glared at them, till they ran away crying.
I even called the Short One to ask what I should do - I always do this when I maim myself or open a vein and she always tells me to go to a doctor but I always put a band-aid on. One night I hit a vein in my finger and the red stuff actually squirted like 2 feet! I called her to have a look and she told me off for getting blood up the walls but it was too good an opportunity to waste, after all I'd never squirted blood like that before. Normally I just ooze a bit as my clotting agents seem to work really well, but it was very pythonesque .. (holds finger) "It's stopped now" - (let go) "ooh aahh - I'm bleeding to death!!" (hold finger) "Oh it's OK, it's stopped now, I'll live" (let go) "AHH - call an ambulance!" .. We laughed a lot :-)
Getting back to my failed road trip, She suggested I come home so I bought some water which I never do because I LIKE feeling dehydrated all the time but I had a major thirst thing happening, and headed back up the freeway. Part way back I thought I was going to pass out and decided yes I really was a bit crook, and I bought more water. Getting back on the road I figured at the present rate of decline I wasn't going to make it.. Thank god for big V8 engines! I cranked the beast up to around 160 (that's as fast as I'll confess to going as I know The Short One reads this stuff) and managed to navigate my way home again, arriving at pass-out stage, I walked in he front door and hit the ground which is where A found me when she got home.
We went to the local butcher who ordered a blood test, suggested I had a kidney stone, said some other stuff that I can't remember then jabbed me full of pethadeine to remove my brain-operates-legs function and poor A had to carry me back to the car. I slept on the floor for a couple of hours after she got me inside (she knows I like sleeping 4 feet inside the front door on the hard, cold wooden floor boards) then I woke up HUNGRY. and feeling heaps better :-)
Blah blah - messy, disgusting details omitted and a few weeks later doing something I won't describe when ping! The object of Pain presents it's self to the world. Now without going through a detailed description, I'll leave it to your imagination but can you picture a double-gee (emex spinosa) passing through a teeny, soft passage designed ONLY for liquid?? I took some really cool pictures of the spiny shard including this one in 3D ! and yes I know there's no scale.. I didn't want to frighten anyone.
here's how this works - if you can't cross your eyes, just enjoy seeing 2 pictures of the pretty crystal above - if you CAN cross your eyes then sit back, relax, get your head level and cross them to enjoy seeing what I can only describe as The True form of Body Art.
The ultrasound suggests I have more on the way so I'll keep you all updated as to the expected dates of arrival :-)
Bastards - they're not even the type they can zap. Other people get ROUND ones, but no, I get the SPIKY ones..
I blame global warming.
Note this has been edited since I first wrote it, sorry to my current stalker..
9:40 a.m. - 2005-10-28
Recent entries:
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